Scared..

Sitting in my corner with some scared ranting..

I’ve had to keep away from writing for some time. Have you ever been so angry that it would be potentionally problematic if you interacted with other people in any way? That, if you said something it would be so harsh that it could harm innocent people? That the only way of not hurting others was to keep away from saying anything at all for over a week? That level of angry is what I’m talking about here. I don’t want to hurt anyone and I know myself well enough to know that keeping away is the best thing to do, I can be a bit of a hot-head from time to tome, so.. no writing and no interacting irl until I got this under control! I reached my goal, it was touch and go for a moment but I managed and I’m calm again.

I usually keep away from people irl because they annoy me. This sounds very arrogant – it’s not meant that way, I’m just stating a fact. I probably annoy them too, so..there’s that. It’s as if people think they’re completely immune to everything because they’ve been vaccinated. They also seem to think that because they’re vaccinated, everybody else is vaccinated too. Wrong. And now it seems like at least one vaccine isn’t as effective as they thought. But I don’t know for sure. It’s very confusing and difficult for me to figure out what’s what in the endless stream of news, because what is the truth and what isn’t. What I do know is what I can see irl and what goes on there is pretty obvious; people think nothing bad can happen because they’re vaccinated. That’s how they behave and that means they aren’t attentive anymore. Their actions says “we’re back to normal”. Wrong. All restrictions are lifted so very very few are wearing a mask, some use the hand sanitizer that’s still is available but no one keeps their distance anywhere anymore. Where there’s still tape on the floor people kind of do but not as vigilant as before. At least the plastic shields in front of the cashiers are still in place and I think it’s wise. Some places numbers are rising again – wonder why!

Last time I had to get groceries a stranger coughed almost constantly and sneezed but not in the elbow, just the hand in front of the mouth as usual. No mask, no hand sanitizer, no gloves, no nothing. Then moving on as usual. There are other things than covid in the world and it’s flu season now. Maybe the person didn’t have anyone to get groceries – fair enough, but apparently it was too difficult to figure out that it would be borderline brilliant to wear a mask to at least try! to contain whatever made the person cough and sneeze! I can’t say anything nice about this person so I’ll just stop, and don’t get me wrong – I make lots of mistakes but I would never act this way even when there isn’t a global pandemic. Most of us have put in a serious effort for so long and that behaviour is like flipping the bird to everyone and it really ticks me off!

It’s infuriationg to see other people judge me as completely hysterical because I wear a mask as soon as I go out the door and there is a risk of meeting anyone and I don’t take it off until I get home again. Unfortunately buying groceries online isn’t an option everywhere so I am forced to take the trip and be in a physical store. I refuse longer trips to minimize the threat. “But I’m vaccinated!” being all offended by me wearing a mask. “Good for you – I’m keeping my mask on just in case” apparantly offending them even more in doing so, but that’s my choice. “Pfthh! why do you want a flu shot?! It’s only a week and then you’re fine again!” they say. Wrong! A simple influenza can f***ing kill me! That’s why and that’s my choice too.

Why do I have to explain to strangers that when you have a lung disease of any kind, influenza and pnumonia are last things you want to deal with and why. Why do I get a lot of flak because I try to avoid getting sick (-er)? Those who spread it around should get the flak for doing so. This is not just about me. This is about every person who has some kind of respiratory issue to deal with. Why am I getting a lot of flak for being anti social, when being social means that other people irl are a real danger to my health? I don’t understand..

At home there’s safety and we keep distancing, and do what ever it takes to not get sick with anything. I’m scared out of my scull to get the flu or something worse, because I don’t know if I candle that and copd at the same time. With a massive lack of doctors it’s quite the gamble, especially in rural areas and I don’t want to die from influenza! I’m still needed and I can’t let that happen. I do what I can, eat as healthy as possible, getting my exercise and all that. I can’t tell others what to do. I just wish others would be just a little considerate. Is that too much to ask? In some areas, apparantly it is.. Rant over..

Have a great day and please take care..

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